A Quiche to Appreciate

Last week was teacher appreciation week at the kids' preschool. As part of the appreciating, the parents provide breakfast for them every morning before school starts. Because I have the word "sucker" tattooed across my forehead (dumb spring break move--I tried to have it taken off later, but it's in there too deep), the director of the school asked me to take care of the brunch Thursday, and because I'm a sucker I said yes. It wasn't until like two days before the brunch that I realized my kids weren't even going to be in school that day--they were going to be in Omaha with my husband. But suckers never quit, so what did I do? I made quiche, that's what. And you should to. Here's an easy and seemingly idiot-proof method of quiche concocting. We're going to make two here, cause when you're making quiche, what the hell?

Here's what you're gonna need:

2 frozen/refrigerated pie crusts that you bought from the grocery store because you prefer drinking gin and doing crossword puzzles to making your own

1 small-medium onion, finely chopped

6 eggs

3 cups of some form of cow's milk*

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1/4 tsp cayenne

2 cups shredded cheese and your choice of filling
Filling ideas:

• swiss and spinach is a classic (use frozen spinach but make sure it is thawed and thoroughly squeezed dry so you don't jack up your idiot-proof quiche)
• feta and spinach (again with the thawing and good draining thing)
• cheddar chopped broccoli (frozen, again, is cheap and words great)
• swiss and asparagus (steam or roast asparagus in the oven until crisp-tender before putting it in quiche)
• BACOS and anything
  
• just cheese (You might want to up the cheese to 3 cups and use a mixture of cheeses, such as mild cheddar, colby and swiss for a fuller flavor.)

*If you weigh ten pounds or you're having the Queen or the Easter Bunny over for brunch, then use half n' half or whipping cream as this makes a quiche worthy of Jesus. Or the Easter Bunny. If you're only having say, a duchess or a lesser prophet over, then use half half n' half and half 2%. If it's just you and your dog, go with all 2%. Unless you have a magical golden dog that poops gold bars. You should probably use the half n' half for him.


And here's what you're gonna do:

Preheat oven to 425. Line a cookie sheet with foil and put your crusts on there before you fill them so you don't slop egg-stuff all over your oven.

Saute onion in a little bit of butter until tender.

Sprinkle cheese and onion in bottom of your pie crusts.

In a mixer beat eggs, salt, pepper and cayenne.* Pour on top of your filling, dividing evenly between your quiches.

*My mom makes up the egg mixture a day or two ahead of time and keeps it in giant ziplock bags in her fridge. I find this practice to be totally disgusting, because I find both raw eggs in bags and organization to be disgusting, but that's just me. Maybe doing the eggs ahead of time would be helpful to you.

Now when it comes to baking you have two choices. The perfect quiche method, or the tipsy-kitchen ADD method. Let's do the perfect one first. While you're reading it, have a drink or two then execute the second choice--who wants a perfect quiche, anyway?

Bake 15 mins at 425, then reduce oven to 350 and bake 30-45 mins longer, or until your quiche looks pretty set and your stick-in-food-to-see-if-it's-done stick isn't all yucky when it comes out. Cool and enjoy refrigerated or at room temperature.

--or---

You can do like I did for teacher appreciation quiches and invite a friend over for drinks and quiche making. Follow the directions above, but after the two of you get it in the quiche in the oven, pour yourselves big fat glasses of gin, set the oven timer for 15 mins, and then go sit on the patio and don't listen for said timer. After about an hour, remember about your quiches (possibly because of the smoke coming from your windows), pull them out of the oven, and come up with idiotic ways of making them look edible. We went with the saw-the-singed-crust-off-with-a-bread-knife then drive it over to the school and put it in the fridge without your name on it method. Nothing says teachers, weappreciate what you do for our children like a crustless, well done quiche. Bon Appetite!