Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Crimes against Potatoes

Okay, this was originally for Just Barely, but it has to do with vodka, and vodka is made out of potatoes, therefore, this is a vegetarian issue. One that I think you need to hear about.

Last week my husband found the following "tip" on Google's blog: Freshen Laundry with Vodka. It was under the link, Why he would click on such a thing, I don't know. Perhaps he thought it was about how to tip tricks. In which case, he must have been very disappointed. Unless he wanted to spritz a trick with vodka--then this was the site for him.

Anyway, the person who left this tip suggests you use a few spritzes of vodka to "freshen" your clothes instead of washing them. Their rationale:

"We all need clean clothes, but actually doing the laundry uses a lot of resources and cuts into our free time."

It's called Fabreeze, Mr. Tipsandtricks. It's a hell of a lot cheaper AND less delicious than vodka, and it has the added benefit of making your clothes smell like lilacs instead of hobos.

Appalled by what I had just read, I decided to do a little research on other misuses of vodka. Here is what I found:

The DIY network actually advocates using vodka to kill bugs.

Similarly, some people who use it for keeping aphids off houseplants. (Which begs the questions of why you have aphids in your house to begin with. Maybe it's because they heard you're cleaning your house with vodka.)

You can use vodka to get rid of the smell of cigarette smoke. (Because it's better to smell like an alcoholic than a smoker.)

A British site suggests you apply vodka to your face "to tighten your pores" and tells us that you can remove a bandaid painlessly by soaking it in vodka. (Why not just drink it? Then I bet that bandaid wouldn't hurt so much.)

There are countless sites out there suggesting you use vodka to kill mold and mildew in your shower.

More than one person admitted to using vodka to cure foot odor, and I even found someone who uses vodka to preserve her herbs.

And, of course, there's the old standby of applying it to the gums of teething babies, which is the only one of these wayward applications I approve of.

I always thought vodka was for drinking. Maybe that's why my feet smell bad and there are aphids eating the mildew in my shower. But at least my kids' don't go to school smelling like hobos.

Here's a picture I found of some homemade Bacon Vodka. Now THAT'S a proper use of vodka.
Here's a picture I found of some homemade Bacon Vodka--do you think it counts as vegetarian? I mean, it doesn't have any (noticeable) pieces of bacon floating around in it or anything... Maybe I'll try making some out of bacos...

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