Will Work For Food

After Christmas I started picking up kids to watch for a little extra money. The most recent addition to my child-stable came from a woman who makes savory and sweet pies for a living. Instead of using her talent for good though, this woman chose to wield her awesome baking skills against me. When we met she was all, hi, this is my kid and look I brought a sack of baked goods! Y’all, there were doughnut holes in there. Homemade doughnut holes. Along with a chocolate pastry thingamabob that gave me an orgasm when I ate it at Barnes and Noble, which was awkward because I was in the kids’ section but hey, they need to learn sooner or later what a proper pastry can do to a woman so it was better I showed them in a controlled setting than them learning it in the streets, right? (Yet again proving that I am the most responsible care giver of all time and totally worth every penny.) Plus there were these thingies that were stuffed with homemade sausage and a big ol’ Stromboli. And she left me with her child, and her sack of baked goods, and went off to find a dress.

My new employer waited until she knew I was under the spell of her doughnuts and Steve and the kids would have a chance to experience her homemade sausage before talking money.
Here’s how her Jedi mind game went down:

Her: Will you work for sausages?
Me: Ummm, I don’t really eat things made out of ground animals, but yes, yes I will.

Her: How about what you usually charge an hour minus 30% plus a random sack of baked goods?
Me: Done.

And now here’s me paying the bills:

Here's what I was paid in the following week:

Not pictured because they were eaten before they made it to the photoshoot: one stromboli, a chocolate thing that didn’t stand a chance, nine pigs in a blanket, further doughnuts.

My favorite yet was last week's booty: coffee, funky grains, polenta and... pudding. Awesome.