How to Rock a Blueberry Muffin (Instead of a Doughnut)

In a (failed) attempt to distract myself from Dunkin' Donuts, I rocked some blueberry muffins with my super hero health powers the other day. And because I'm caring as well as magical, I shall share with you my healthier version of an old classic. They're a little time intensive (but that's probably just because I have kitchen ADD--add some flour, eat a snack, etc), so we're making a big ass batch here. They freeze really well, so stash some away for the next time the doughnut demons come stalking you.

Here's what you're gonna need:
(I split ingredients into groupings of when you'll need them because without a visual reminder I just keep adding stuff to the bowl with complete disregard for the rightful order of things. Again, kitchen ADD.)

2 cups whole wheat flour
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup wheat germ
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons milled brown flax seed
--
1 stick + 6 tablespoons unsalted butter* (room temperature or slightly softened in the microwave)
2/3 cup sugar
2/3 cup packed light brown sugar
--
4 eggs
4-5 (depending on size) crazy old bananas (like, you want these suckers are borderline gross)
2/3 cup 2% milk
2 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
--
2 1/2 cups frozen blueberries (organic wild blueberries work best, b/c they're smaller and usually more flavorful, but don't let your possession of regular frozen blueberries stop you from rocking these muffins)

*(I know this seems like a lot of butter, but we're actually substituting flax seed for the even greater amount of butter it would take to make these muffins if we weren't rocking them. And remember, it's nothing compared to the nutritional value of the doughnut from which we're trying to distract ourselves here. I only had 6 tablespoons of flax seed, or I might have tried switching out even more for less butter. If you dare tinker around here, try substituting 3 more tablespoons flax seed for 1 tablespoon butter. Let me know how it goes, Dr. Frankenstein.)

And here's what you're gonna to do:

Preheat your oven to 375. Line two 1 dozen muffin tins with paper liners.

In a large bowl, whisk/blend/sift/put a lid on the bowl and shake/mix with your hands the flour, wheat germ, baking soda, salt and flax seed.

In another big bowl or in your mixer, beat butter, sugar and brown sugar until fluffy and lovely. Add in the eggs one at a time, beating after each one.

In yet another bowl (we're making a grand mess here, folks), mash the hell out of those verge-of-rotten bananas, then stir the milk and vanilla into your beautiful banana mess.

Put your mixer on low and add the flour mixture and the banana mixture to the butter and sugar mixture. The flour and bananas are going to have to take turns here, going flour stuff, banana stuff, flour stuff, etc into the bowl. Try to end on a flour stuff and for God's sake, don't over mix it. Tip: If you have one of those plastic flexible cutting board dealies, fashion it into a shoot and pour the flour down it and into the mixing bowl, so as not to blow flour all over your kitchen like I did the first (and second) time I rocked these muffins.

Fold in the still frozen blueberries.

Very lighty spray your paper liners, and add the muffin mix. You'll get about two dozen regular size muffins, plus maybe three or four of those big ass ones (you have to have a special pan for such a thing) that are great because you can pretend you're only eating two muffins (reasonable) when in reality you're eating the equivalent of four (less reasonable).

Bake for about 25 minutes, or until your poking-at-things stick comes clean. Let them cool for a minute, then turn them out onto a rack to finish cooling. (Then drive to Dunkin' Donuts and get yourself a chocolate glazed doughnut to tide you over while you're waiting for them to cool.)

Enjoy!