Being a Vegetarian is Making Me Fat and Crazy and Stuff Your Face Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms

When I tell people I've become a vegetarian, they often times ask if I've lost weight as a result of cutting out meat. The answer is no. In fact, being a vegetarian has caused me to gain weight. Maybe it's the fact that I've replaced meat with doughnuts, but I've been telling myself it's more likely the vegetables' fault. Right?

But then, a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned to my psychiatrist that I was heading to the new Dunkin' Donuts that just opened down the street from her office. "One opened near my house, too. It's changed my life. I eat about 60 doughnuts a week. Want me to pick you up anything before I come next time?" I should have just kept my mouth shut because it was then, with T minus 30 seconds to go in my appointment, that she had an Alleluia moment. "You know, your lack of concentration, the trouble you've been having falling asleep, and the fact that you're tired all of the time may be linked to the sugar from all of the doughnuts you've been eating. Maybe you should try cutting back." So now Dunkin' Donuts is not only making me fat, it's making me crazy as well. Perfect.

Now eat this:

Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms

First, get yourself some big ass portobello mushrooms--one more than servings you need (so if you're feeding two people, buy three, etc). Scrape out the gills and cut off the stems. Toss the gills, but save the stems in a bowl. Check out your mushrooms. Take the one you've butchered the most, cut it up, and toss it in the bowl with the stems. Put the pretty ones in a shallow baking dish and throw some red wine on them--you don't need to completely cover them, just use enough to fill the caps a little. Drink the rest.

Meanwhile... Preheat your oven to 375. Smash up two or three (or four, depending on how many mushrooms you're making and the number of vampires in your area) cloves of garlic, chop them up, and saute them in some EVOO (two or three times around the pan) over medium heat. Add some hot pepper flakes to the mix. After your garlic has had some time to hang out and flavor the oil (about three minutes or so--don't burn it), add your mushroom pieces and a 1/2 can- 1 can of diced tomatoes (with most, but not all, of the juice drained). Saute for another two minutes, then add a couple of hand fulls of fresh baby spinach. After the spinach has had a chance to wilt, take your creation off of the heat and mix in enough Italian breadcrumbs to make it stuffingy. (You can add a little more EVOO if it needs it to reach stuffingish consistency.)

Drain your mushrooms of any wine they haven't soaked up (Don't drink this wine, unless you're desperate--in which case, go for it. We're here to eat, not judge.), rub the bottoms with a little olive oil, put them on cookie sheet lined with release foil, and stuff those bad boys. Top them off with some grated parm and shredded mozzarella--any amount your little heart desires. Put your mushrooms in the oven for about 15-20 minutes, or until the cheese melts and your mushrooms are nice and soft when you stab at them. Bon Appetit!

Note: I usually serve these mushrooms with a side of spinach and pine nut pasta because it's easy, I'm lazy, and that recipe calls for a lot of the same ingredients. These suckers are FILLING, though, so only make a smallish amount of pasta. Or make the whole damn thing. Again, I'm not here to judge.