Lentil Soup: Low Fat, Full of iron, Cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe*

Lentil Soup: Low Fat, Full of iron, Cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe*

*After a minimal amount of research, I have found this statement to be a lie. While lentil soup is low in fat, reasonably high in iron, and cheap as hell to make, it is not, in fact, cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe, which you can buy a 275 piece tub of for $11.99 online. The calculator on my phone tells me that's .04 cents per piece of gum (.07 cents each after shipping and handling). Come to think of it, maybe you should scrap the lentils and have Bazooka Joe for dinner. It would be the economically responsible thing to do. Plus it comes with a comic under the wrapper. A bag of lentils does not.

Lentil Soup

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
Prep time is built into this lazy recipe, so there's no need to get it all ready before you begin.

1 large onion, chopped
3 large (or 5ish medium) cloves of garlic, smashed and minced

3 large carrots, chopped
3 large celery stocks (you can use the leaves as well if you want to)

6+ cups of vegetable broth, depending on how soupy you like your lentils. Six cups will make your lentils more like a meal than a soup, which is how my family likes it.
1 15oz can of diced (or petite diced, if you have them) tomatoes--do not drain
16 oz (or whatever a bag is) of lentils
salt and pepper, to taste

8oz frozen chopped spinach, optional
cooked spaghetti noodles, optional
crushed red pepper, optional

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

At the bottom of a big pot saute the onion and garlic in a tablespoon or two of olive oil on medium low heat for about 3 minutes, or however long it takes you to chop your carrots and celery.

Kick the heat down to low, add carrots and celery, put the lid on the pot and let it sweat while you hunt down the rest of your ingredients (or for about 5 minutes, if you're the organized pantry type). Thoroughly rinse your lentils in a colander.

Add the vegetable broth, diced tomatoes with whatever juice is in the can, and lentils to the pot. Bring it all to a low boil, put the lid on the pot, turn down the heat, and let it simmer for at least 30 minutes (you can let it go for longer on low).

Adding spinach to this recipe changes things up a little and ups the iron content, which, as we all know, will result in muscles exactly like those of post canned spinach Popeye. So pretty much what I'm saying is if someone named Bluto is bullying you or if you have one eye and smoke a corncob pipe or you're just plain a smart person, you should add the spinach. If you're going to follow my impeccable logic, add the spinach before you put the lid on the pot to simmer.

My mama always put spaghetti noodles in her lentil soup, so I put them in mine and I suggest you do the same, especially if you're having lentils as a main dish. Stir in maybe a third of a box of broken up spaghetti (already cooked) before serving. Season with hot pepper seeds to add a little kick.

This recipe makes enough for dinner for four, with leftovers to freeze or have for lunch throughout the week. Now go spend the money you just saved on lottery tickets and rollerskates.

Honey, You're Sleeping on the Couch But It's Worth it Black Bean Soup

Honey, You're Sleeping on the Couch But It's Worth it Black Bean Soup

This awesome soup landed my husband on the couch the night I made it, but it didn't end up bothering me. No matter what your tolerance for beans is, this soup is way worth it, so take some Beano if you must, and enjoy!

Here's What You're Gonna Need

1 tbs olive oil
2 stocks of celery, diced
1/2 small onion, diced
1/2 green bell pepper (or any combo of green, yellow and red), diced

1/4 tsp garlic powder
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp chili powder
1/2-1 tsp (depending on how hot you want it) cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp black pepper

2 cups vegetable broth
3 (15 ounce) cans of black beans (do not drain)

And Here's What You're Gonna Do

Heat oil in a deep saucepan or pot over medium heat.

Add celery, minced onion, bell peppers. Cook 10 minutes or until tender, stirring occasionally. Add garlic and the second group of ingredients (through black pepper) and saute for another 3 minutes.

Add broth, beans, and liquid from beans to the mix and bring it to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer for up to two hours, but at least 15 minutes.

Allow the soup to cool slightly and then blend the heck out of it with an immersion blender, or in batches in a blender. Top with sour cream, shredded cheese, and/or green onions, if that's how you roll. I also like mine with blue corn tortilla chips.

Greens and Beans, the Musical Dish...

Like most grandmas, mine just cooks from the heart and knows exactly what to do as she goes along. Trivial matters such as amounts, timing, etc. matter not because grandmothers just use their 6th sense, the good cookin' one, which makes delicious meals as natural as breathing to them. My grandmother makes a different kind of greens than I do, so the last time I was home I tried to pin her down for the recipe. Here are the notes I took:

Once I got home I looked at this piece of paper, realized it was nonsense, and a subsequent call ensued. Here is my adaptation of her greens recipe, based on what I think she said and what Jesus told me to do. (See Just Barely's Cooking with the Lord)

Grammy's Greens and Beans

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
Note: All amounts are based on, well, nothing at all. Like I said, grandmothers don't work in measurable amounts. They say things like "a couple of handfuls," and "some," and "depending on what you like," and "Do you want a Werther's Original?". This is what works for me. Feel free to adapt at will.

We're going to make a lot here so we can either freeze some or share with our friends and loved ones.

3ish tablespoons extra virgin olive oil (a couple of times around the pan)
4-5 garlic cloves, smashed then finely chopped
2+ teaspoons of crushed red pepper seeds (I like my greens spicy, so I err on the side of more.)

1 onion, chopped

3-4 stalks of celery, chopped, save the leafs if you have them
1/2 head of cabbage, shredded or finely chopped

3 lbs greens, using any combination of greens you want. My favorites are chard, turnip greens, beet greens, and spinach. You can also use collard greens, kale, etc.

1-3 12 oz can of vegetable broth or chicken broth (depending on whether or not your not eating animals includes not drinking them as well), or as much as needed to reach desired consistency. Before getting Grammy's recipe, I always made my greens something you eat with a fork as a side dish. Grammy makes her greens and beans almost into a soup, which is excellent and can serve as a main course. It's up to you.

6ish 12oz cans of the musical fruit. DO NOT DRAIN. Like the greens, there are many combos that will work here. Grammy's top two picks are butter beans and kidney beans so that's how I roll, but great northern and garbonzo beans are fine as well.

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Saute the garlic in olive oil over medium low heat until the garlic begins to speak (in tongues is preferable, but if you don't have garlic infused with the holy spirit, making little sizzling noises is okay, too.) Add the hot pepper seeds and saute for one or two minutes longer, being careful that your garlic doesn't burn.

Add the onion and continue to saute for another two minutes, or until onions begin to soften.

Add celery, cabbage and celery leafs and give it another two to three minutes.

Add greens, a couple of handfuls at a time, the toughest kind first. Add broth as you go to help the greens to cook down before you add the next round.

Once the greens have turned bright green and have had a chance to soften, add the rest of the broth and the beans, as well as the liquid from the beans.

Simmer for at least fifteen minutes, but you can really let this stuff go on low for hours. Like Grammy says, you can't overcook it.

Enjoy! Love, Grammy and Amy

A less soupy version makes for a great side dish.