What I did with my earnings: Mediterranean Farro Salad

This was my first venture into the world of farro, so this recipe is based on and lightly adapted from Giada De Laurentiis's farro salad. Giada's recipe supposedly made 6 side servings, but my husband and I found it to be more like 4.

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
1 1/2 cups of farro (the grain, not the Egyptian ruler--that wouldn't be vegetarian)
1 tsp of kosher salt + another 1/2 tsp for dressing

8 oz green beans

1 red bell pepper, cut into 1-2 in strips

1/4 cup red wine vinegar (or a mix of red and white wine vinegars)
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 Tbs dijon mustard
black pepper

8+ oz pitted black olives (use the whole can if you want to)
1 small bunch of chives, snipped with scissors until you get tired of snipping them with scissors (I made it through about 3/4 of the bunch)
as much crumbled feta as your heart desires (but at least 4 oz)


And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Bring 4 cups of water and farro is a boil in a medium saucepan. Cover, turn the heat down to medium low, and simmer for 20 mins. Lift the lid and add 1 tsp of kosher salt. Slap the lid back on, and finish simmering until farro is tender, about another 10 mins. Drain farro and put it in a big bowl to cool on the counter. Transfer it to the fridge after about 10 mins or so to finish cooling.

While the farro is chillin', get everything else ready. Boil or steam the green beans for 2 minutes, then give them an ice water bath to stop them from cooking any further-you want them to be crisp for the salad. Drain the green beans and add the red peppers to their bowl. Set aside and make the dressing.

In a small bowl whisk together the vinegar, olive oil, dijon mustard and a few grinds of pepper (about a tsp) and the other 1/2 tsp of salt.

Add green beans, red peppers, and black olives to the chilled farro. Snip chives into the bowl. Bring the feta into the mix, top the whole shabang with the dressing, and gently stir to thoroughly combine all of the ingredients. Although it's highly doubtful there will be anything remaining, this salad holds up well for lunch the next day.

Cranberries: Not just for Thanksgiving and UTIs

Gluten free is now a category on Half-Assed vegetarian! Click here for gluten free recipes, and watch for more in upcoming posts.

Cranberries are still in the grocery store so get 'em while you can and throw enough bags in the freezer to last you until next season. (I can say this because I own one of those hide-a-body size freezers. As we are currently out of body, I have plenty of space for cranberries. For now.)

Easy and Fancy Looking Cranberry Sweet Potatoes

Here's what you're gonna need:

1 bag fresh cranberries (previously frozen is fine, just no canned stuff)
1/4 cup brown sugar
The juice of one orange

1 1/2-2 lbs sweet potatoes (about 4 medium ones or 3 big boys), peeled and cut into 1 inch thick slices

cinnamon, to taste
1 Tablespoon butter (optional)

And here's what you're gonna do:
Combine cranberries, brown sugar and orange juice in a medium size bowl and set aside for 20-30 minutes (or longer).

Pre-heat your oven to 350.

Hit a 3 qt baking dish with a little cooking spray, and line the bottom of the dish with about half of the sweet potato slices. Spoon on a layer of cranberries, then do it all over again. Pour any remaining juice over the top, and then sprinkle the whole thing with cinnamon to your heart's desire. You can dab the top with a little bit of butter if you'd like--I've done it with and without and both were great.

Cover loosely with foil and bake for about 35-40 mins, or until your favorite stabber stabs the sweet potatoes with ease.

Left-overs are great for breakfast!

Let's Get Sauced!

I bet a lot of you clicked on this link thinking you were going to get another story about the misuses of vodka or the mishaps of too much gin. Instead you get applesauce. Too bad for you. Although what you do / drink while your getting applesauced is entirely up to you. I know what I'm going to do...

Apples are in season and pretty cheap-o right now, and I am physically unable to walk past a fruit that's on sale for $1 lb (What's that? Fecal Fruit is on sale for $1 lb? Sweet! I'll take 5 lbs!). These two factors have left me with over 15 lbs of apples currently in my fridge (just weighed them). I have to do something with a them before my husband realizes the beer has been displaced to make room for this absurd amount of apples, so I'm going with applesauce. If you happen to be housing a bumper crop of pears, as well, then that's even better. Apple and apple-pear sauce is absurdly easy to make, makes your house smell wonderful, and people who eat applesauce out of a jar think you're way fancy if you serve up some warm homemade applesauce for dinner. Plus you can put it on those oatmeal pancakes I told you about last week, making you one brilliant individual.

Homemade Apple/Apple-Pear Sauce

Here's what you're gonna need:
This recipe serves 4-5. Double or triple it at will, depending on the absurdity of your fruit situation. You can freeze any leftovers in quart size freezer bags and thaw at will for future fancy and non-fancy dinners.

3 large apples, skinned (some skin left on is okay) and cut into large chunks
2-3 pears (bartlett pears work well, but any kind will do), also skinned and cut into chunks
-or-
5-6 large apples, skinned (some skin left on is okay) and cut into large chunks

3/4 cup water
3/4 Tbs butter (optional)
a splash of vanilla
cinnamon, to taste

And here's what you're gonna do:
Throw all of the ingredients into a largeish pot and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, for 20-30 mins, or until your favorite kitchen stabber stabs with ease. Mash the whole mess up with a potato masher to whatever consistency you desire-you can go chunky or smooth here. It doesn't get any easier than that, folks. Go forth and be fancy!
--
Have any of you ever made apple-sweet potato sauce? I was going to give it a whirl but I didn't have any sweet potatoes so I thought I'd tap into your wisdom before I go buy some and spoil any of my precious pounds of apples...

Greens and Beans, the Musical Dish...

Like most grandmas, mine just cooks from the heart and knows exactly what to do as she goes along. Trivial matters such as amounts, timing, etc. matter not because grandmothers just use their 6th sense, the good cookin' one, which makes delicious meals as natural as breathing to them. My grandmother makes a different kind of greens than I do, so the last time I was home I tried to pin her down for the recipe. Here are the notes I took:

Once I got home I looked at this piece of paper, realized it was nonsense, and a subsequent call ensued. Here is my adaptation of her greens recipe, based on what I think she said and what Jesus told me to do. (See Just Barely's Cooking with the Lord)

Grammy's Greens and Beans

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
Note: All amounts are based on, well, nothing at all. Like I said, grandmothers don't work in measurable amounts. They say things like "a couple of handfuls," and "some," and "depending on what you like," and "Do you want a Werther's Original?". This is what works for me. Feel free to adapt at will.

We're going to make a lot here so we can either freeze some or share with our friends and loved ones.

3ish tablespoons extra virgin olive oil (a couple of times around the pan)
4-5 garlic cloves, smashed then finely chopped
2+ teaspoons of crushed red pepper seeds (I like my greens spicy, so I err on the side of more.)

1 onion, chopped

3-4 stalks of celery, chopped, save the leafs if you have them
1/2 head of cabbage, shredded or finely chopped

3 lbs greens, using any combination of greens you want. My favorites are chard, turnip greens, beet greens, and spinach. You can also use collard greens, kale, etc.

1-3 12 oz can of vegetable broth or chicken broth (depending on whether or not your not eating animals includes not drinking them as well), or as much as needed to reach desired consistency. Before getting Grammy's recipe, I always made my greens something you eat with a fork as a side dish. Grammy makes her greens and beans almost into a soup, which is excellent and can serve as a main course. It's up to you.

6ish 12oz cans of the musical fruit. DO NOT DRAIN. Like the greens, there are many combos that will work here. Grammy's top two picks are butter beans and kidney beans so that's how I roll, but great northern and garbonzo beans are fine as well.

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Saute the garlic in olive oil over medium low heat until the garlic begins to speak (in tongues is preferable, but if you don't have garlic infused with the holy spirit, making little sizzling noises is okay, too.) Add the hot pepper seeds and saute for one or two minutes longer, being careful that your garlic doesn't burn.

Add the onion and continue to saute for another two minutes, or until onions begin to soften.

Add celery, cabbage and celery leafs and give it another two to three minutes.

Add greens, a couple of handfuls at a time, the toughest kind first. Add broth as you go to help the greens to cook down before you add the next round.

Once the greens have turned bright green and have had a chance to soften, add the rest of the broth and the beans, as well as the liquid from the beans.

Simmer for at least fifteen minutes, but you can really let this stuff go on low for hours. Like Grammy says, you can't overcook it.

Enjoy! Love, Grammy and Amy

A less soupy version makes for a great side dish.

Double Duty Orange Molasses concoction: Tuna and Glazed Sweet Potato & Beets

Here one concoction made out of two things I needed to get out of my fridge (orange juice, which we don't really drink, and molasses from this week's CSF grab bag) makes two great recipies.

To make the Orangey Molasses Concoction, whisk together:
1/2 cup orange juice
1/3 cup molasses
Phew! Pause for a beer and regroup. This will make enough for both of the recipes below. Use half of the concoction for each.

Orange Molasses Tuna

Here's what you're gonna need:

Half of the above orangey molasses concoction

1 1/2 tbs sesame seeds (optional, but tasty and fancy. A smart person would use sesame seeds.)

2 4oz thick cut tuna steaks
vegetable oil


And here's what you're gonna do:

Bring the orangey molasses concoction to a simmer in a small pot over medium heat. Turn heat down so the concoction is just simmering and reduce by half. It should take about 15 mins.

Meanwhile, toast the sesame seeds in a dry pan over medium low heat, stirring or shaking the pan often so you don't singe any of them, which would be neither tasty nor fancy. Even those with kitchen ADD need to stay put here. Transfer to a small bowl when they're done.

Heat a non stick pan over medium high until the water you flick at it sizzles and evaporates quickly. Add a little bit of vegetable oil to the pan and cook just long enough on each side to create a nice sear--about 30-40 seconds per side (it could be less depending on the thickness of the steaks). Do not overdo your tuna folks! Again, that would be neither smart nor fancy.

Brush the tops of the tuna steaks with some of your glaze, then press toasted sesame seeds on top. Transfer the remaining orangey molasses concoction to small bowls and serve along side the fish as a dipping sauce. Tasty, smart, and fancy.


Orange Glazed Sweet Potatoes and Beets

Here's what you're gonna need:

Half of the above orangey molasses concoction
1/4 - 1/3 tsp nutmeg (adjust to taste)

2 medium sweet potatoes, cut into 1/2 in chunks
4 medium beets, cut into slightly smaller chunks

And here's what you're gonna do:
Preheat oven to 400.

Toss the beets in enough olive oil to lightly coat. Spread the beets out on 1/2 of a cookie sheet lined with release foil. (We're going to keep the beets on one half and the sweet potatoes on the other because they cook differently and we want to be able to remove the sweet potatoes easily if they're done first.) Put beets in the oven, giving them a 15 min head start on the sweet potatoes.

While the beets are cooking, mix the nutmeg in with the orangey molasses concoction. Phew! Breath. Drink beer. Carry on.

When the 15 mins is up and your beer is gone, toss the sweet potatoes in, you guessed it, enough olive oil to lightly coat and add them to your beet sheet. Back in the oven for another 15 mins. After 15 mins, stir the beets and sweet potatoes and glaze them with some of that orangey molasses concoction you've been sweating over. Return to the oven until both the beets and the sweet potatoes are easy to stab with a fork, knife, or your favorite kitchen stabber-about another 10-15 mins. Put the beets and sweet potatoes in a bowl, pour any remaining orangey molasses concoction over them, and lightly toss.

This dish is not only healthy, but has the added bonus of being pretty, just like you. Enjoy!

Goatless Goat Cheese and Vegetable Bruschetta

After extensive research I have discovered that goat cheese is made from the milk of goats, not goats, making it a delicious meat-free choice. Unless, of course, you get a piece of a goat teet or something in there--then I don't think it can be considered vegetarian anymore. Plus, goat cheese give the appearance of sophistocation so the next time you go to the pool or park or something you can sit down next to someone and be all, "Oh, you're having string cheese today? How droll. We eat Goat Cheese on my side of the tracks." Then fan yourself importantly and invite yourself over to the commoner with the string cheese's house for dinner and offer to bring an appetizer. Now go get yourself some teet-free goat cheese and let's put on airs!

Note: This recipe makes A LOT of roasted vegetables--enough to serve vegetable bruschetta as an appetizer at a dinner party. Even if it's just you and the cat, make it all--we're going to use the vegetables you don't use for the bruschetta for something else later this week.

Here's what you're gonna need:

One of each of the following*:
green zucchini
yellow zucchini
large portobello mushroom (or a couple of shitake mushrooms)
red bell pepper
orange or yellow bell pepper
japanese eggplant
tomato (or 2 Roma tomatoes or a handful of cherry or grape tomatoes)
medium red or white onion

*I've found this is a great combination of vegetables for making bruschetta (or solving crime), but if you don't use all of them it won't be the end of the world. The important thing is to get a good mix of colors and flavors so you can show your friends and neighbors how sophisticated you are.

olive oil
balsomic vinegar

4oz plain goat cheese

1 whole wheat or multi-grain baguette

And here's what you're gonna do:

Chop all of the vegetables into 1/2 -1/4 in pieces, placing them in a large bowl as you go. Toss with enough balsamic vinegar to coat. Add salt and pepper to taste and enough olive oil to coat and toss again. Set aside on the counter to marinate for at least a half an hour, mixing the vegetables occasionally with your hands.

Preheat oven to 425.

Line a large cookie sheet with release foil. Spread the vegetables out on the cookie sheet, making sure they are all coated in marinade. Roast vegetables for 20-25 minutes, or until they are tender and the peppers are starting to brown around the edges. Remove from the oven, slide the vegetables and any marinade remaining on the cookie sheet back into the large bowl from before and let cool for at least five minutes.

While the vegetables are cooling off, slice as much of the bagette as needed for your crowd or lack there of. Cutting the bread on the bias allows more surface area to smother with goat cheese and toppings as well as reinforces the idea of your fanciness. Lay the bread out on a cookie sheet (the same one as before if you're a savvy non-dishwasher) and brush the tops with olive oil. Broil for about 5 minutes, or until lightly browned and toasty. For God's sake, stay in the kitchen and keep an eye on your bread or you'll light it on fire like I--I mean, someone I know named... Samy-- did last time I made bruschetta.

Now you have some deciding to do. Just how much bruschetta are you going to need here? You're going to want to pile vegetables high on the toasts, so err on the side of lots. Spoon as much of your vegetable mixture as needed to generously top your toast into your food processor or blender and pulse lightly for a few seconds. You don't want puree here--think very chunky salsa. Stow the rest of your vegetables away in a tupperware in the fridge for later this week--I'll tell you what to do with those suckers later. For now focus!

Spread a happy amount of goat cheese on each of your toasts and top with roasted vegetables. Drizzle on any left over juices/marinade for an extra foo foo touch. Now look how sophisticated you look! Can I get your number?

Turnips: Better than Hitler's Head in a Bag

The turnips at the bottom of this week's CSA grab bag were met by boos and hisses by my jackass husband and visiting brother. You would have thought Hitler's head was in that bag instead of some ideology-less root vegetables. So adamant were they that they were not going to eat those turnips, that it became my new goal that they would. And that they would not only like them but also shower me with gifts and golden egg laying hens in a pathetic attempt to make up for their foolish pigheadedness. Although I have yet to receive my hen, the turnips were inhaled with smiles on their faces and hearts full of vitamin B6, potassium and copper.

Here's what you're gonna need

3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 shallots (the whole shallot, not 2 bulbs), peeled and thinly sliced

1 1/2 lbs turnips (+ 1 Idaho or Russet potato, optional*)

Kosher salt

1/2 cup 2% milk
3 tablespoons salted butter

salt and pepper

*The turnips are great on their own, but adding a potato thickens up the dish a little.

And here's what you're gonna do

Heat the oil and butter in a pan over medium-low heat until the butter melts. Reduce heat to low, add the shallots and saute over low heat, stirring occasionally, until golden brown (about 25-30mins ). Remove the shallots from the pan with a slotted spoon, let any excess oil drain off, and spread out on paper towels to dry and crisp up.

Peel the turnips (and potato, if desired) and cut into chunks. Place the turnips (and potato) in a saucepan, cover with water, and add 1 teaspoon of salt. Bring to a boil and simmer, covered, about 35 minutes or until easily pierced by a knife, for, or your favorite kitchen poking device.

While the turnips are simmering, heat the milk and salted butter in a small sauce pan over low heat until the butter has melted.

When the turnips are piercable, drain them in a colander. Puree the turnips in three batches in a food processor. Be sure to scrape the sides between batches to make sure the turnips are smooth. With the motor running, add the melted butter and milk in a steady stream.

Put the turnips back in the saucepan, season with salt and the pepper, and reheat over medium heat, stirring occasionally. You can also put the turnips in a microwave safe bowl instead of the saucepan to rewarm. Top with crispy shallots and serve up a tasty dish of something most people at your table never thought they'd like, yet here they are taking seconds. Suckers.

---
post script: This recipe would be a good and healthier substitute for mashed potatoes. My meat and potatoes husband agrees.

Anti-Vampire Garlic Green Beans and Yellow Squash

There's nothing really funny about green beans and squash, they were just both left over in my fridge at the end of the week (ba da ching!), so I don't have a story for you. If you need a laugh, visit Just Barely and find out why Jesus wants you to eat doughnuts.

Anti-Vampire Garlic Green Beans and Yellow Squash

Here's what you're going to need:

1-2 lbs of fresh green beans (or however much you have in the fridge)
2 ish yellow/zephyr squash (again, just use what you have)
1 small onion, diced
2-3 large cloves of garlic, smashed and minced
olive oil
kosher salt
pepper (freshly ground is best)

And here's what you're gonna do:

Snip the ends off of the green beans and cut the squash into thin 2ish inch strips, kind of like match sticks. Only they're a good source of manganese and vitamin C instead of fire.

Start sauteing the garlic and onions in olive oil over medium heat. You're going to want enough olive oil to lightly coat the green beans and squash.

While the garlic and onions are sauteing, bring a couple of inches of water to a boil then steam the green beans and squash for two minutes. If you don't have a steam basket, then for Christ's sake, go buy yourself one. They're very useful. If buying a steam pot doesn't top your list of to-dos, then boil the green beans and squash in enough water to cover for about 2 1/2 - 3 minutes. When you're done steaming / boiling, stop the cooking and keep those green beans crisp by plunging those bad boys in ice water. Let them hang out there until the garlic and onions are tender and done to your liking.

Add the green beans and the squash to the garlic and onions, flavor with as much salt and pepper as your little heart desires, and continue to saute until heated throughout. This will take about fiveish minutes. Toss it all in a bowl to make sure everything's coated in a little olive oil and enjoy! Unless you're a vampire, in which case I guess die or vomit or whatever's supposed to happen when you eat garlic.