Lentil Soup: Low Fat, Full of iron, Cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe*

Lentil Soup: Low Fat, Full of iron, Cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe*

*After a minimal amount of research, I have found this statement to be a lie. While lentil soup is low in fat, reasonably high in iron, and cheap as hell to make, it is not, in fact, cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe, which you can buy a 275 piece tub of for $11.99 online. The calculator on my phone tells me that's .04 cents per piece of gum (.07 cents each after shipping and handling). Come to think of it, maybe you should scrap the lentils and have Bazooka Joe for dinner. It would be the economically responsible thing to do. Plus it comes with a comic under the wrapper. A bag of lentils does not.

Lentil Soup

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
Prep time is built into this lazy recipe, so there's no need to get it all ready before you begin.

1 large onion, chopped
3 large (or 5ish medium) cloves of garlic, smashed and minced

3 large carrots, chopped
3 large celery stocks (you can use the leaves as well if you want to)

6+ cups of vegetable broth, depending on how soupy you like your lentils. Six cups will make your lentils more like a meal than a soup, which is how my family likes it.
1 15oz can of diced (or petite diced, if you have them) tomatoes--do not drain
16 oz (or whatever a bag is) of lentils
salt and pepper, to taste

8oz frozen chopped spinach, optional
cooked spaghetti noodles, optional
crushed red pepper, optional

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

At the bottom of a big pot saute the onion and garlic in a tablespoon or two of olive oil on medium low heat for about 3 minutes, or however long it takes you to chop your carrots and celery.

Kick the heat down to low, add carrots and celery, put the lid on the pot and let it sweat while you hunt down the rest of your ingredients (or for about 5 minutes, if you're the organized pantry type). Thoroughly rinse your lentils in a colander.

Add the vegetable broth, diced tomatoes with whatever juice is in the can, and lentils to the pot. Bring it all to a low boil, put the lid on the pot, turn down the heat, and let it simmer for at least 30 minutes (you can let it go for longer on low).

Adding spinach to this recipe changes things up a little and ups the iron content, which, as we all know, will result in muscles exactly like those of post canned spinach Popeye. So pretty much what I'm saying is if someone named Bluto is bullying you or if you have one eye and smoke a corncob pipe or you're just plain a smart person, you should add the spinach. If you're going to follow my impeccable logic, add the spinach before you put the lid on the pot to simmer.

My mama always put spaghetti noodles in her lentil soup, so I put them in mine and I suggest you do the same, especially if you're having lentils as a main dish. Stir in maybe a third of a box of broken up spaghetti (already cooked) before serving. Season with hot pepper seeds to add a little kick.

This recipe makes enough for dinner for four, with leftovers to freeze or have for lunch throughout the week. Now go spend the money you just saved on lottery tickets and rollerskates.

Freezer Burritos and a Period made of gold

Been drinking soy milk. Still no improvement in the size of my boobs, but the last time I got my period it was made of gold.
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Here's a good recipe for burritos that you can made ahead of time and leave in the fridge until the next day or freeze until the day before you decide you're no longer a vegetarian.

1 cup of brown rice (cooled)
2 cans of black beans
1 can pinto beans
1/2 can whole kernel corn
1 can diced tomatoes and green chilies or an equal amount of salsa
as much cheese as your little heart desires
8-10 flour tortillas (the big ass kind)

Rinse and drain black beans and pinto beans. Put the black beans, pinto beans, corn and died tomatoes in a mixing bowl and mix it all up. Toss in the rice and cheese and mix it up again. Fill the tortillas up with the mixture and wrap those suckers up like burritos. If you want to freeze them, wrap them up in plastic wrap and put them in a freezer bag. You can also freeze the filling and the tortillas separately. Defrost them in the microwave when it's burrito time again. If you're going to eat your babies now, you can slap some sour cream on the tortilla first and add guacamole or just cut up avocados--that stuff doesn't freeze well, though, so if you want it on the frozen ones you're going to have to add it after they thaw.