My-Oven-is-Duct-Taped-Together Lemon Parmesan Tilapia

I usually do my fish in the oven because I like to pretend it comes out healthier that way, regardless of the amount of butter I use, but remember my demon oven from the last post and how the door fell off into my hands? Well, that kamikaze door is currently duct taped to the stove so as to prevent the befooting of innocent passersby so, rendering it unable to kill, yet unusable to cook things. And it's too f-in' hot to use the thing this week anyway, so let's skillet up some fish!

Lemon Parmesan Tilapia

Here's What You're Gonna Need:

3-4 (or about a pound) tilapia fillets

1/3 cup Italian bread crumbs
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tsp salt
black pepper to taste (optional)
zest of one or two lemons, or whatever you can get done before you zest yourself in the finger (I can't be the only one out there who does this). You can use a grater instead of azester-it's easier and the slightly larger size of the peel doesn't matter here.

3 tablespoons of butter
1 tablespoon olive oil

the lemons you de-zested

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Pat your fish dry with paper towels. Wash your fish hands then melt 2 tablespoons of that butter in the microwave. Be sure it explodes all over the place and makes a glorious mess, because then it looks like you worked really hard.*

In a shallow bowl combine bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, garlic salt, and lemon zest.

Heat the remaining 1 tablespoon of butter along with olive oil over medium high heat.

While the butter and oil are heating, brush the fish fillets with the 2 tablespoons of melted butter from before, then coat them with the breading.

Cook fillets for 2-4 minutes per side until the coating is a little crispy and the fish flakes easily with a fork. Squeeze some lemon on those bad boys and you're ready to go!

*The awesome thing is I was blogging about this recipe as I was making it, and while I was writing the part about the butter exploding all over the microwave I wasn't paying attention and my butter exploded all over the microwave. Awesome.

From my five year old who usually doesn't like fish: "Mommy, this is more delicious than all of the other healthy and unhealthy things you make! Except desert. It's not tastier than dessert."
From my two year old who usually doesn't like fish: "Noooooooooo!"
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Okay vegetarians who mourn the loss of bacon, you're gonna want to check out this new baconnaise shirt: http://www.zazzle.com/i_heart_baconnaise_tshirt-235860204719635714
It's awesome and proceeds go to Mercy Corps.

Double Duty Orange Molasses concoction: Tuna and Glazed Sweet Potato & Beets

Here one concoction made out of two things I needed to get out of my fridge (orange juice, which we don't really drink, and molasses from this week's CSF grab bag) makes two great recipies.

To make the Orangey Molasses Concoction, whisk together:
1/2 cup orange juice
1/3 cup molasses
Phew! Pause for a beer and regroup. This will make enough for both of the recipes below. Use half of the concoction for each.

Orange Molasses Tuna

Here's what you're gonna need:

Half of the above orangey molasses concoction

1 1/2 tbs sesame seeds (optional, but tasty and fancy. A smart person would use sesame seeds.)

2 4oz thick cut tuna steaks
vegetable oil


And here's what you're gonna do:

Bring the orangey molasses concoction to a simmer in a small pot over medium heat. Turn heat down so the concoction is just simmering and reduce by half. It should take about 15 mins.

Meanwhile, toast the sesame seeds in a dry pan over medium low heat, stirring or shaking the pan often so you don't singe any of them, which would be neither tasty nor fancy. Even those with kitchen ADD need to stay put here. Transfer to a small bowl when they're done.

Heat a non stick pan over medium high until the water you flick at it sizzles and evaporates quickly. Add a little bit of vegetable oil to the pan and cook just long enough on each side to create a nice sear--about 30-40 seconds per side (it could be less depending on the thickness of the steaks). Do not overdo your tuna folks! Again, that would be neither smart nor fancy.

Brush the tops of the tuna steaks with some of your glaze, then press toasted sesame seeds on top. Transfer the remaining orangey molasses concoction to small bowls and serve along side the fish as a dipping sauce. Tasty, smart, and fancy.


Orange Glazed Sweet Potatoes and Beets

Here's what you're gonna need:

Half of the above orangey molasses concoction
1/4 - 1/3 tsp nutmeg (adjust to taste)

2 medium sweet potatoes, cut into 1/2 in chunks
4 medium beets, cut into slightly smaller chunks

And here's what you're gonna do:
Preheat oven to 400.

Toss the beets in enough olive oil to lightly coat. Spread the beets out on 1/2 of a cookie sheet lined with release foil. (We're going to keep the beets on one half and the sweet potatoes on the other because they cook differently and we want to be able to remove the sweet potatoes easily if they're done first.) Put beets in the oven, giving them a 15 min head start on the sweet potatoes.

While the beets are cooking, mix the nutmeg in with the orangey molasses concoction. Phew! Breath. Drink beer. Carry on.

When the 15 mins is up and your beer is gone, toss the sweet potatoes in, you guessed it, enough olive oil to lightly coat and add them to your beet sheet. Back in the oven for another 15 mins. After 15 mins, stir the beets and sweet potatoes and glaze them with some of that orangey molasses concoction you've been sweating over. Return to the oven until both the beets and the sweet potatoes are easy to stab with a fork, knife, or your favorite kitchen stabber-about another 10-15 mins. Put the beets and sweet potatoes in a bowl, pour any remaining orangey molasses concoction over them, and lightly toss.

This dish is not only healthy, but has the added bonus of being pretty, just like you. Enjoy!

What to do when your friend's herbs get out of control: Lemon Thyme Tilapia

Here's what you're gonna need:
4 tilapia fillets

1 spring onion, white part only, finely chopped
olive oil

about 2 tsp of your best friend from down the street's overgrown lemon thyme, finely chopped
(Regular thyme will also work if your friend down the street didn't grow lemon thyme, althoughyou should probably get a better friend with a bigger herb selection for next year.)

1/2-1 tsp sea salt or kosher salt (adjust amount of salt to taste)
the zest of 2 lemons (save the lemons for squeezing on the fish afterward)

And here's what you're gonna do:
Preheat oven to 350.

Place chopped spring onion on the bottom of a shallow baking dish. Brush both sides of fish with olive oil and sprinkle one side of the fish with a small amount black pepper. Place fish pepper side down on top of onions in the baking dish. Bake for about 12-15 minutes, or until fish flakes easily with a fork.

Meanwhile, combine the thyme, salt and lemon zest in a small bowl and mix. When fish is done, sprinkle the top with seasoning. Serve with lemon wedges, if desired.

Your opinion and why it doesn't matter

Day 10

So the numbers are in, and over half of you are of the persuasion that fish is delicious, and that's all that matters. Good for you. I was still going to eat fish no matter what you said, but thanks for playing along. Now that I'm not worried about it tainting your vote, I want to share with you a couple of informative sites that address the doesn't matter question in front of us.

My favorite answer is from WikiAnswers: "yes it is. you must be dumb to think otherwise." Nice.
Other favorites are the site called "Things That Are Meat" which is just that--a list of things that are meat. The list includes things like sea horses, slugs, people, and animal crackers that are "pinkish white with a little yellow." Also worth visiting is Things That Are Meat's sister site, "Things That Are Not Meat," which lists wood, skin, and stuffed animals (phew!) as fair game. I wonder about the "skin," but I appreciate the addition of "the word meat is not meat."
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Made the Pasta with spinach and pine nuts last night. Would have made out with it, but there weren't any leftovers. Will have to make double recipe next time...

The Nature of Meat

Vegetarian Day 3:

Breakfast: Meatless smoothie--not the same w/o bacon in it.
Lunch: Some sort of grain and peanut salad thing I got at a hippie store and a handful of cookies.
Dinner: Mushroom pizza with real-vegetarian friends. Thought about eating the pepperoni I saw a little kid throw on the floor, bought another beer instead.

My friend Danielle posted the following on my facebook wall yesterday: "That's great. I thought that I was the only half assed vegetarian around. By the way, shrimp totally counts as meat!!" Danielle brings up an interesting point. Does fish count as meat? Steve says yes, I say shut up. Cast your vote on the poll to the right and let me know if you think yea or nay. I know some vegetarians eat fish and some don't, but I'm a self-proclaimed half-assed vegetarian, so no matter what the consensus is I'm going to eat fish as well as assorted tasty crustaceans. This is the benefit of doing something half-assed--you get to make up your own rules. Unless those rules involve running over puppies or shooting nuns. Those you shouldn't do.
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I just found out sea lice, fish lice, while lice and tongue worms are all crustaceans. Those I will not be eating.

Asian shrimp stew with steamed rice

As promised, here's the Asian shrimp stew recipe, taken from the March 2008 edition of Everyday Food. I don't know how Kosher it is to post recipes from magazines, so for the love of God don't tell Martha Stewart I gave you this. Or I'll shove a ham down your throat.

1 cup long grain white rice
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 yellow bell peppers (I used one yellow and one orange.) cut into 1 inch pieces
4 garlic cloves, sliced
2 tablespoons minced peeled fresh ginger (I don't like ginger, unless it's in the form of a tasty
man-shaped cookie, so I skipped it.)
1/4 teaspoon red-pepper flakes
4 scallions, white and green parts separated and thinly sliced
coarse salt
1 pound peeled and deviened medium shrimp (thawed if frozen), tails removed
1-2 tablespoons rice vinegar

1. Cook rice according to package instructions; set aside, covered. Meanwhile, place cornstarch in a medium bowl. Gradually whisk in coconut milk, sugar, and 1 cup water; set aside.

2. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium. Add bell peppers, onion, garlic, ginger, red-pepper flakes, and scallion whiles; season with salt. Cook, tossing frequently, until vegetables are crisp-tender, 6 to 8 minutes.

3. Add coconut milk mixture to skillet; raise heat to medium-high. Boil, stirring occasionally, until thickened, 1-2 minutes. Add shrimp, and cook just until opaque, 3-4 minutes. If necessary, adjust consistency of stew with a little bit of water; season with vinegar and salt to taste.

4. Fluff rice gently with a fork. Serve shrimp stew over rice, garnished with scallion greens.

I don't have much to add here, other than I might bump the coconut milk to 3/4 cup next time. Put extra rice vinegar and red-pepper flakes on the table--Steve and I both added more of each.