Strawberries on the rocks-with cucumber this time.

Seeing as how I declared it Strawberry Month at Half-Assed Vegetarian, you'd think I'd have posted more strawberry related recipes by now--but no. This 5% because I'm lazy and 95% because I keep drinking all of the strawberries before I can make non-alcoholic things with them. I've gone picking twice and baked once (and it was a no-bake pie). You do the math.
Here's a recipe for another delicious drink you can sip on while I go picking for a third time and come up with something else to write about. Bonus: This drink contains a fruit AND a vegetable,* so I'm pretty sure that means it's good for you. Do your body a great service and drink one (or four) today!

Photo by Shoot Me Pretty

Strawberry, Cucumber and Gin Cocktail

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
2-3 strawberries
2-3 slices of cucumber

1 jigger of gin (1.5ish oz or a shot and a half)
1/2 shot lime juice (1 oz)
1/2 shot agave (1 oz) (if you don't have agave, go with simple syrup)

club soda

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Put the strawberries and cucumber slices in the bottom of the shaker and muddle / smash the heck out of them. Go ahead and get some aggression out. I don't think you can over-muddle here.

Add gin, lime juice, agave and shake shake shake. If possible, let this stand for a few minutes so all of the flavors can really mix with the gin. If you can't hold off, then by all means, carry on immediately, but it'll be even more rockin' if you wait.

Add a couple of ice cubes to this good time and shake it vigorously again. Strain the resulting awesomeness over ice and top with club soda. Stir and drink up!

Warning: This drink is crazy good, really refreshing and doesn't taste very alcoholy, so watch it on the consumption buddy. Ol' Half-Assed Vegetarian learned this the hard/fun way.
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*Okay, technically a cucumber is a fruit, not a vegetable. Drink it anyway.
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Here's a very useful drink measurement chart I found: http://www.drinksmixer.com/guide/1-4-1.php
Just thought I'd share.

Cold Quinoa Salad: Easy to Pack, Fun to Say

I make up a decent sized batch of quinoa at the beginning of the week (usually on oatmeal day) and have enough to have this salad for lunch over the next couple of days. It keeps well for about five days--I haven't had enough to push this experiment to the limit because there's never any left after that long, though I'd be interested in seeing how long it takes before it starts walking on its own... Anyway, rock the quinoa early on in the day so it has time to cool before lunch.

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
1 cup quinoa
1 can (low sodium, if possible) vegetable broth

1 can garbanzo beans / Ceci beans / chick peas, however you say it in your neck of the woods
3 stocks celery, chopped
3 carrots, chopped
(prep time built in)

spring mix / baby lettuce, optional

flax seed
balsamic vinegar
extra virgin olive oil, optional
hard boiled egg, optional

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Bring vegetable broth to a boil in a medium pot. While you're waiting for that to happen, rinse and drain quinoa.

Plop clean quinoa into the pot of boiling broth, knock the heat down to medium low, and put a lid on it. Simmer for 11 minutes while chop the celery and carrots.

When the time's up, remove the pot from the heat, keep the lid on and let it hang out for about 5 minutes to finish absorbing the liquid. After five minutes whisk the lid off, and fluff the quinoa with a fork. If it's close-ish to lunch time, take out a bowl of however much you're going to eat today and either set it on the counter or in the fridge to cool. You can let the rest cool down on it's own and then store it in a Tupperware container in the fridge.

Assembly time!
1. salad greens, optional
2. quinoa
3. mix in a little balsamic
4. hard boiled egg, optional
5. carrots and celery
6. more balsamic vinegar and olive oil, if you want it
7. flax seed
8. Ta da! You're full of fiber, omega 3s, and complete protein. Now aren't you smart?

Arrr! Mostly pirated Red Beans and Rice

This was my first go at red beans and rice, so I worked off Alton Brown's recipe. Here it is, with a few modifications and limited commercial interruptions.

Note: It takes a while for red beans and rice to cook, so be sure to plan ahead. Give it at least 2 1/2 hours from start to finish.

Here's What You're Gonna Need:

For red beans:

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 onion, chopped
2 green bell peppers, or mix of orange, yellow and green chopped (I buy a bag of already cut
mixed colored bell peppers at Trader Joe's and keep them in my freezer. They're especially
handy in the winter months, when peppers are expensive.)
3-4 stalks celery, chopped
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

6 cloves garlic, minced

1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon hot sauce
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 quarts water
1 pound red kidney beans, rinsed and with any gross things picked out

For rice:

3 cups water
1 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter (or butter-like whatever it is vegan's use-or skip it)
2 cups long-grain rice, white for the real experience, brown for well-being
1/2 to 1 teaspoon kosher salt

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Heat vegetable oil over medium-high in a good-sized pot or Dutch oven.

Add the onion, bell pepper, celery, salt and pepper to the pot. Cook, stirring early and often, until the onions and celery are semi-translucent and the bell peppers are tender, about 6-8 minutes.

Add the garlic and cook for 2-3 minutes, stir, stir, stirring.

Bay leaf, thyme, hot sauce, cayenne pepper, water and beans into the pot! Turn up the heat a little so you can get this bad boy boiling. Stir, stir, stir.

Once it's boiling, turn the heat down to medium-low, cover and simmer for about an hour and a half, stirring every once and a while.

It's rice time! Here's how Alton Brown does it, but you can always give the rice a little go in the butter then make it like you usually do. Don't forget to adjust the timing if you're going with brown rice.
Place the water into an electric kettle and bring to a boil. While the water is coming to a boil place the butter into a 3-quart saucepan, set over medium heat. Once the butter begins to bubble, add the rice and stir to combine. Add the salt and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, stirring frequently. Carefully pour the water over the rice and stir to combine. Decrease the heat to the lowest setting, cover, and cook for 15 to 20 minutes.

When the time's up for the beans, take the lid off and, if necessary, turn the heat up a little to keep it simmering. Let it go for another 30-40 minutes or until the beans are tender and the sauce is thickened.

Give it a couple of mashes with a potato masher, but don't go overboard.

Rice goes on the bottom, beans go on top, and wha la! We served it with a side of grilled shrimp seasoned with old bay.

Today's photo taken was taken by Kelly of www.ShootMePretty.com, coming soon. If she can shoot Red Beans and Rice pretty, than she can shoot anything pretty.

Rewrite of Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quesadilla recipe: Now with measurements! Plus idiotic photos of talking potatoes taken by me!

Lentil Soup: Low Fat, Full of iron, Cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe*

Lentil Soup: Low Fat, Full of iron, Cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe*

*After a minimal amount of research, I have found this statement to be a lie. While lentil soup is low in fat, reasonably high in iron, and cheap as hell to make, it is not, in fact, cheaper than a piece of Bazooka Joe, which you can buy a 275 piece tub of for $11.99 online. The calculator on my phone tells me that's .04 cents per piece of gum (.07 cents each after shipping and handling). Come to think of it, maybe you should scrap the lentils and have Bazooka Joe for dinner. It would be the economically responsible thing to do. Plus it comes with a comic under the wrapper. A bag of lentils does not.

Lentil Soup

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
Prep time is built into this lazy recipe, so there's no need to get it all ready before you begin.

1 large onion, chopped
3 large (or 5ish medium) cloves of garlic, smashed and minced

3 large carrots, chopped
3 large celery stocks (you can use the leaves as well if you want to)

6+ cups of vegetable broth, depending on how soupy you like your lentils. Six cups will make your lentils more like a meal than a soup, which is how my family likes it.
1 15oz can of diced (or petite diced, if you have them) tomatoes--do not drain
16 oz (or whatever a bag is) of lentils
salt and pepper, to taste

8oz frozen chopped spinach, optional
cooked spaghetti noodles, optional
crushed red pepper, optional

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

At the bottom of a big pot saute the onion and garlic in a tablespoon or two of olive oil on medium low heat for about 3 minutes, or however long it takes you to chop your carrots and celery.

Kick the heat down to low, add carrots and celery, put the lid on the pot and let it sweat while you hunt down the rest of your ingredients (or for about 5 minutes, if you're the organized pantry type). Thoroughly rinse your lentils in a colander.

Add the vegetable broth, diced tomatoes with whatever juice is in the can, and lentils to the pot. Bring it all to a low boil, put the lid on the pot, turn down the heat, and let it simmer for at least 30 minutes (you can let it go for longer on low).

Adding spinach to this recipe changes things up a little and ups the iron content, which, as we all know, will result in muscles exactly like those of post canned spinach Popeye. So pretty much what I'm saying is if someone named Bluto is bullying you or if you have one eye and smoke a corncob pipe or you're just plain a smart person, you should add the spinach. If you're going to follow my impeccable logic, add the spinach before you put the lid on the pot to simmer.

My mama always put spaghetti noodles in her lentil soup, so I put them in mine and I suggest you do the same, especially if you're having lentils as a main dish. Stir in maybe a third of a box of broken up spaghetti (already cooked) before serving. Season with hot pepper seeds to add a little kick.

This recipe makes enough for dinner for four, with leftovers to freeze or have for lunch throughout the week. Now go spend the money you just saved on lottery tickets and rollerskates.

Cranberries: Not just for Thanksgiving and UTIs

Gluten free is now a category on Half-Assed vegetarian! Click here for gluten free recipes, and watch for more in upcoming posts.

Cranberries are still in the grocery store so get 'em while you can and throw enough bags in the freezer to last you until next season. (I can say this because I own one of those hide-a-body size freezers. As we are currently out of body, I have plenty of space for cranberries. For now.)

Easy and Fancy Looking Cranberry Sweet Potatoes

Here's what you're gonna need:

1 bag fresh cranberries (previously frozen is fine, just no canned stuff)
1/4 cup brown sugar
The juice of one orange

1 1/2-2 lbs sweet potatoes (about 4 medium ones or 3 big boys), peeled and cut into 1 inch thick slices

cinnamon, to taste
1 Tablespoon butter (optional)

And here's what you're gonna do:
Combine cranberries, brown sugar and orange juice in a medium size bowl and set aside for 20-30 minutes (or longer).

Pre-heat your oven to 350.

Hit a 3 qt baking dish with a little cooking spray, and line the bottom of the dish with about half of the sweet potato slices. Spoon on a layer of cranberries, then do it all over again. Pour any remaining juice over the top, and then sprinkle the whole thing with cinnamon to your heart's desire. You can dab the top with a little bit of butter if you'd like--I've done it with and without and both were great.

Cover loosely with foil and bake for about 35-40 mins, or until your favorite stabber stabs the sweet potatoes with ease.

Left-overs are great for breakfast!

Let's Get Sauced!

I bet a lot of you clicked on this link thinking you were going to get another story about the misuses of vodka or the mishaps of too much gin. Instead you get applesauce. Too bad for you. Although what you do / drink while your getting applesauced is entirely up to you. I know what I'm going to do...

Apples are in season and pretty cheap-o right now, and I am physically unable to walk past a fruit that's on sale for $1 lb (What's that? Fecal Fruit is on sale for $1 lb? Sweet! I'll take 5 lbs!). These two factors have left me with over 15 lbs of apples currently in my fridge (just weighed them). I have to do something with a them before my husband realizes the beer has been displaced to make room for this absurd amount of apples, so I'm going with applesauce. If you happen to be housing a bumper crop of pears, as well, then that's even better. Apple and apple-pear sauce is absurdly easy to make, makes your house smell wonderful, and people who eat applesauce out of a jar think you're way fancy if you serve up some warm homemade applesauce for dinner. Plus you can put it on those oatmeal pancakes I told you about last week, making you one brilliant individual.

Homemade Apple/Apple-Pear Sauce

Here's what you're gonna need:
This recipe serves 4-5. Double or triple it at will, depending on the absurdity of your fruit situation. You can freeze any leftovers in quart size freezer bags and thaw at will for future fancy and non-fancy dinners.

3 large apples, skinned (some skin left on is okay) and cut into large chunks
2-3 pears (bartlett pears work well, but any kind will do), also skinned and cut into chunks
-or-
5-6 large apples, skinned (some skin left on is okay) and cut into large chunks

3/4 cup water
3/4 Tbs butter (optional)
a splash of vanilla
cinnamon, to taste

And here's what you're gonna do:
Throw all of the ingredients into a largeish pot and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, for 20-30 mins, or until your favorite kitchen stabber stabs with ease. Mash the whole mess up with a potato masher to whatever consistency you desire-you can go chunky or smooth here. It doesn't get any easier than that, folks. Go forth and be fancy!
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Have any of you ever made apple-sweet potato sauce? I was going to give it a whirl but I didn't have any sweet potatoes so I thought I'd tap into your wisdom before I go buy some and spoil any of my precious pounds of apples...

Honey, You're Sleeping on the Couch But It's Worth it Black Bean Soup

Honey, You're Sleeping on the Couch But It's Worth it Black Bean Soup

This awesome soup landed my husband on the couch the night I made it, but it didn't end up bothering me. No matter what your tolerance for beans is, this soup is way worth it, so take some Beano if you must, and enjoy!

Here's What You're Gonna Need

1 tbs olive oil
2 stocks of celery, diced
1/2 small onion, diced
1/2 green bell pepper (or any combo of green, yellow and red), diced

1/4 tsp garlic powder
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp chili powder
1/2-1 tsp (depending on how hot you want it) cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp black pepper

2 cups vegetable broth
3 (15 ounce) cans of black beans (do not drain)

And Here's What You're Gonna Do

Heat oil in a deep saucepan or pot over medium heat.

Add celery, minced onion, bell peppers. Cook 10 minutes or until tender, stirring occasionally. Add garlic and the second group of ingredients (through black pepper) and saute for another 3 minutes.

Add broth, beans, and liquid from beans to the mix and bring it to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer for up to two hours, but at least 15 minutes.

Allow the soup to cool slightly and then blend the heck out of it with an immersion blender, or in batches in a blender. Top with sour cream, shredded cheese, and/or green onions, if that's how you roll. I also like mine with blue corn tortilla chips.

Greens and Beans, the Musical Dish...

Like most grandmas, mine just cooks from the heart and knows exactly what to do as she goes along. Trivial matters such as amounts, timing, etc. matter not because grandmothers just use their 6th sense, the good cookin' one, which makes delicious meals as natural as breathing to them. My grandmother makes a different kind of greens than I do, so the last time I was home I tried to pin her down for the recipe. Here are the notes I took:

Once I got home I looked at this piece of paper, realized it was nonsense, and a subsequent call ensued. Here is my adaptation of her greens recipe, based on what I think she said and what Jesus told me to do. (See Just Barely's Cooking with the Lord)

Grammy's Greens and Beans

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
Note: All amounts are based on, well, nothing at all. Like I said, grandmothers don't work in measurable amounts. They say things like "a couple of handfuls," and "some," and "depending on what you like," and "Do you want a Werther's Original?". This is what works for me. Feel free to adapt at will.

We're going to make a lot here so we can either freeze some or share with our friends and loved ones.

3ish tablespoons extra virgin olive oil (a couple of times around the pan)
4-5 garlic cloves, smashed then finely chopped
2+ teaspoons of crushed red pepper seeds (I like my greens spicy, so I err on the side of more.)

1 onion, chopped

3-4 stalks of celery, chopped, save the leafs if you have them
1/2 head of cabbage, shredded or finely chopped

3 lbs greens, using any combination of greens you want. My favorites are chard, turnip greens, beet greens, and spinach. You can also use collard greens, kale, etc.

1-3 12 oz can of vegetable broth or chicken broth (depending on whether or not your not eating animals includes not drinking them as well), or as much as needed to reach desired consistency. Before getting Grammy's recipe, I always made my greens something you eat with a fork as a side dish. Grammy makes her greens and beans almost into a soup, which is excellent and can serve as a main course. It's up to you.

6ish 12oz cans of the musical fruit. DO NOT DRAIN. Like the greens, there are many combos that will work here. Grammy's top two picks are butter beans and kidney beans so that's how I roll, but great northern and garbonzo beans are fine as well.

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Saute the garlic in olive oil over medium low heat until the garlic begins to speak (in tongues is preferable, but if you don't have garlic infused with the holy spirit, making little sizzling noises is okay, too.) Add the hot pepper seeds and saute for one or two minutes longer, being careful that your garlic doesn't burn.

Add the onion and continue to saute for another two minutes, or until onions begin to soften.

Add celery, cabbage and celery leafs and give it another two to three minutes.

Add greens, a couple of handfuls at a time, the toughest kind first. Add broth as you go to help the greens to cook down before you add the next round.

Once the greens have turned bright green and have had a chance to soften, add the rest of the broth and the beans, as well as the liquid from the beans.

Simmer for at least fifteen minutes, but you can really let this stuff go on low for hours. Like Grammy says, you can't overcook it.

Enjoy! Love, Grammy and Amy

A less soupy version makes for a great side dish.

Anti-Vampire Garlic Green Beans and Yellow Squash

There's nothing really funny about green beans and squash, they were just both left over in my fridge at the end of the week (ba da ching!), so I don't have a story for you. If you need a laugh, visit Just Barely and find out why Jesus wants you to eat doughnuts.

Anti-Vampire Garlic Green Beans and Yellow Squash

Here's what you're going to need:

1-2 lbs of fresh green beans (or however much you have in the fridge)
2 ish yellow/zephyr squash (again, just use what you have)
1 small onion, diced
2-3 large cloves of garlic, smashed and minced
olive oil
kosher salt
pepper (freshly ground is best)

And here's what you're gonna do:

Snip the ends off of the green beans and cut the squash into thin 2ish inch strips, kind of like match sticks. Only they're a good source of manganese and vitamin C instead of fire.

Start sauteing the garlic and onions in olive oil over medium heat. You're going to want enough olive oil to lightly coat the green beans and squash.

While the garlic and onions are sauteing, bring a couple of inches of water to a boil then steam the green beans and squash for two minutes. If you don't have a steam basket, then for Christ's sake, go buy yourself one. They're very useful. If buying a steam pot doesn't top your list of to-dos, then boil the green beans and squash in enough water to cover for about 2 1/2 - 3 minutes. When you're done steaming / boiling, stop the cooking and keep those green beans crisp by plunging those bad boys in ice water. Let them hang out there until the garlic and onions are tender and done to your liking.

Add the green beans and the squash to the garlic and onions, flavor with as much salt and pepper as your little heart desires, and continue to saute until heated throughout. This will take about fiveish minutes. Toss it all in a bowl to make sure everything's coated in a little olive oil and enjoy! Unless you're a vampire, in which case I guess die or vomit or whatever's supposed to happen when you eat garlic.

A Bok Choy and a Soba walked into a bar... and I was all, who the hell are you???

Okay, I kind of recognized the Soba from an earlier rendezvous involving some mushrooms and spinach in a soup, but when I reached into my weekly CSA grab bag and pulled out the bok choy, I was stumped. The Grand Master of the Crops told me it was bok choy and to treat it like any other green. So I told it off. Then I turned it into something delicious. That'll show it.

Bok Choy and Soba Noodles with Spicy Peanut Sauce

Here's what you're going to need:
(split into as needed groups for those of us with kitchen ADD)

1/4 cup orange juice
1/3 cup smooth peanut butter
1 Tbsp rice vinegar
1 Tbsp lime juice (fresh squeezed, if you got it)
1 Tbsp soy sauce
1 garlic clove, smashed
1 tsp dried red pepper seeds
---
1/4 cup canola oil

4 oz soba noodles (You can usually find these in the Asian cooking aisle of the grocery store. Buckwheat noodles will work fine if that's all you see.)
Asian sesame oil

1-2 cups of mixed baby greens
1 head of bok choy, baby or regular, thinly sliced

1/2 fancy pants (I believe people in the know call them "English") cucumber, cut into think strips
1 palmful (gun to my head=1/4ish cup?) chopped cilantro
1 tsp dried red pepper seeds

salted peanuts (optional)


And here's what you're gonna do:

Put the first group of ingredients (o.j., peanut butter, rice vinegar, lime juice, soy sauce, garlic, red pepper seeds) in the blender and turn it on. Now you can either take off the lid here and watch the fun unfold as you dump the canola oil in, or you can take the boring route and drizzle the oil in through the little hole thingy the blender people put in the top of the lid for just such an occasion. As always, it's up to you. Blend until it's... well, blended, I suppose.
If you're into planning ahead and smartness and whatnot, you can do this the day before and put the sauce in the fridge. Warm it up a little before you use it. Never in my life have I been prepared enough to do such a thing.

Break the soba noodles into thirds and cook them in a large pot of salted water according to the directions. You want them to be al dente. Drain, and hit them with some cold water when they're done. Drain again and then toss them with a little sesame oil.

Put the bok choy, greens, cucumber, and chopped cilantro in large bowl. Add the spicy peanut sauce from your blender (or from the ceiling, depending upon which method you chose), the noodles, and another sprinkling of red pepper. Toss. Season to taste with salt and pepper and top with a fistful of peanuts if you're so inclined.

Now aren't you worldly?