Cheddar Broccoli Quiche with Cornmeal Crust

Gluten Free Cheddar Broccoli Quiche with Cornmeal Crust

Want an egg dish for lunch or dinner? Well then step it up with this hearty quiche! Served with fruit, salad, and a bloody mary, it makes for a quick meal, especially if you make it ahead of time. It's also perfect to pack for lunch, but unless you have a really cool boss you're gonna want to put that bloody mary in a thermos.

Here's What You're Gonna Need:

Crust:
1 cup cornmeal
4 Tbs cold butter
1 egg, beaten
1/2 tsp water
Whatever seasonings your heart desires (salt, pepper, garlic powder, cayenne...)

Filling:
1/3ish cup finely chopped onion, lightly browned
frozen chopped broccoli (little pieces, not florets), thawed (eyeball the amount you want-likely 4-6oz)
3/4ish cup shredded cheddar cheese
4 eggs
2 cups 2% milk (skim, whipping cream, or half and half will work, too, depending on how much weight you're looking to gain via quiche)
salt, pepper, cayenne to taste (maybe 1/4ish teaspoon each)

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:
Get your onions browning then rock the crust first. Preheat the oven to 350.

Cut butter into small pieces and pulse it with the cornmeal and your seasonings in the food processor until it looks crumbish. If your mom didn't hand down her 1970s 300lb food processor to you and you haven't bought yourself one, you can use your hands and kind of pluck at it until it crumbishness happens.

Add 1/2 tsp water to the beaten egg and combine with the cornmeal mixture, either with your hands or by pulsing it in the blender. And now you have a lump of crust.

Pat the lump of crust into the bottom of a lightly greased (optional if you're going gluten-free and don't want to use cooking spray) pie or pastry pan and as far up the sides of the pan as it'll go. The crust should be thin.

Bake the crust for ten minutes or so before adding the filling.

While that's baking...
Beat eggs, whichever milk product you chose, and salt, pepper and cayenne together with a mixer. Finishing browning those onions and briefly nuke the broccoli if it's not thawed.

When your crust comes out of the oven, put a foil lined cookie sheet under it if you're prone to slopping stuff all over the place like myself. Add the onions, broccoli and cheddar cheese to the bottom of the crust. Pour in your egg mixture (it's okay if the eggs go above the crust, as long as it all stays in the pan) and put that bad boy in the oven.

Time is tricky on quiche. It can take up to an hour, but start stabbing it after about 40 minutes or so to check for doneness. Let your quiche cool on the counter for at least 20 minutes so it sets, or pop it in the fridge for up to 3 or 4 days. You can warm it for dinner or just eat it cold for lunch. Or go cold for dinner and warm for lunch if you want to be difficult.

Low-Fat Spicy Black Bean and Corn Enchiladas

Low-Fat Spicy Black Bean and Corn Enchiladas
serves 3-4

Here's What You're Gonna Need

2 15oz cans black beans, drained
32oz bag frozen corn
4-5 green onions, white and light green parts, sliced thin
2 fresh tomatoes, chopped, if you got 'em, or 1 15 oz can diced tomatoes, drained
1 15 oz can diced tomatoes with chilies is also an option if you'd like to add a little more heat
optional: 1/8 tsp (or to taste) cayenne

12-15 (6 in) corn tortillas
2 15 oz cans red or green (tomatilla) medium or hot enchilada sauce

1 cup low fat* (2% milk) shredded cheese (cheddar, colby, and colbyjack work well)
You may also use fat free cheese here, but it won't melt as well. I suggest using half 2% and half fat free.

low fat / fat free sour cream
salsa verde (green / tomatilla salsa)

If desired: shredded lettuce, avacados, diced tomatoes, sliced jalapenos

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:
Preheat oven to 375.

Combine the first group of ingredients, and heat over medium heat until heated through, gently stirring occasionally.

Meanwhile, stack tortillas on a microwave safe plate, cover with a damp paper towel, and microwave for 1 minute to make them pliable so they can bend to your culinary will.

Coat the bottom of a 9x13 baking dish with a thin layer of enchilada sauce.

While you're coating things, coat each tortilla in enchilada sauce, fill with bean and corn mixture, roll and place seam side down in the baking dish. It's okay if it makes a complete mess. These guys are going to be a tight fit, but jam 'em in there.

Add any leftover corn and beans to the top of the enchiladas and coat with any leftover enchilada sauce. Top with cheese.

Bake uncovered for about 15 to 20 minutes or until bubbling. Remember, fat-free cheese isn't going to completely melt, so don't go by the topping--look for the sauce to bubble.

Top individual servings with sour cream, salsa, and anything else your little heart desires. Enjoy!

My-Oven-is-Duct-Taped-Together Lemon Parmesan Tilapia

I usually do my fish in the oven because I like to pretend it comes out healthier that way, regardless of the amount of butter I use, but remember my demon oven from the last post and how the door fell off into my hands? Well, that kamikaze door is currently duct taped to the stove so as to prevent the befooting of innocent passersby so, rendering it unable to kill, yet unusable to cook things. And it's too f-in' hot to use the thing this week anyway, so let's skillet up some fish!

Lemon Parmesan Tilapia

Here's What You're Gonna Need:

3-4 (or about a pound) tilapia fillets

1/3 cup Italian bread crumbs
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tsp salt
black pepper to taste (optional)
zest of one or two lemons, or whatever you can get done before you zest yourself in the finger (I can't be the only one out there who does this). You can use a grater instead of azester-it's easier and the slightly larger size of the peel doesn't matter here.

3 tablespoons of butter
1 tablespoon olive oil

the lemons you de-zested

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Pat your fish dry with paper towels. Wash your fish hands then melt 2 tablespoons of that butter in the microwave. Be sure it explodes all over the place and makes a glorious mess, because then it looks like you worked really hard.*

In a shallow bowl combine bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, garlic salt, and lemon zest.

Heat the remaining 1 tablespoon of butter along with olive oil over medium high heat.

While the butter and oil are heating, brush the fish fillets with the 2 tablespoons of melted butter from before, then coat them with the breading.

Cook fillets for 2-4 minutes per side until the coating is a little crispy and the fish flakes easily with a fork. Squeeze some lemon on those bad boys and you're ready to go!

*The awesome thing is I was blogging about this recipe as I was making it, and while I was writing the part about the butter exploding all over the microwave I wasn't paying attention and my butter exploded all over the microwave. Awesome.

From my five year old who usually doesn't like fish: "Mommy, this is more delicious than all of the other healthy and unhealthy things you make! Except desert. It's not tastier than dessert."
From my two year old who usually doesn't like fish: "Noooooooooo!"
--
Okay vegetarians who mourn the loss of bacon, you're gonna want to check out this new baconnaise shirt: http://www.zazzle.com/i_heart_baconnaise_tshirt-235860204719635714
It's awesome and proceeds go to Mercy Corps.

Kelly's Portobello Parm

5 md-lg portobello caps with stems set aside

balsamic vinegar

EVOO

5 slices of mozzarella

1.5 C hunts mixture (I keep this in my fridge a lot - its just a 14oz can of hunts sauce with a Tb of oregano, EVOO, and a tsp of garlic salt all mixed together cold. No need to heat)

1 lg shallot, minced

portobello stems, chopped

1 tsp garlic powder

1. Marinate caps in a zip lock bag with enough vinegar and evoo to cover.

2. Meanwhile, saute shallot and stems with 1 pat of butter. After they get soft and cooked through add sauce and garlic powder. Heat until mixed well.

3. Spray cookie sheet with oil. Put caps on sheet and top with cooked sauce. Then top with a slice of mozzarella.

4. Cook at 400 degrees for 10-15 min (depending on your oven) until mushrooms are cooked and cheese is melted

Goatless Goat Cheese and Vegetable Bruschetta

After extensive research I have discovered that goat cheese is made from the milk of goats, not goats, making it a delicious meat-free choice. Unless, of course, you get a piece of a goat teet or something in there--then I don't think it can be considered vegetarian anymore. Plus, goat cheese give the appearance of sophistocation so the next time you go to the pool or park or something you can sit down next to someone and be all, "Oh, you're having string cheese today? How droll. We eat Goat Cheese on my side of the tracks." Then fan yourself importantly and invite yourself over to the commoner with the string cheese's house for dinner and offer to bring an appetizer. Now go get yourself some teet-free goat cheese and let's put on airs!

Note: This recipe makes A LOT of roasted vegetables--enough to serve vegetable bruschetta as an appetizer at a dinner party. Even if it's just you and the cat, make it all--we're going to use the vegetables you don't use for the bruschetta for something else later this week.

Here's what you're gonna need:

One of each of the following*:
green zucchini
yellow zucchini
large portobello mushroom (or a couple of shitake mushrooms)
red bell pepper
orange or yellow bell pepper
japanese eggplant
tomato (or 2 Roma tomatoes or a handful of cherry or grape tomatoes)
medium red or white onion

*I've found this is a great combination of vegetables for making bruschetta (or solving crime), but if you don't use all of them it won't be the end of the world. The important thing is to get a good mix of colors and flavors so you can show your friends and neighbors how sophisticated you are.

olive oil
balsomic vinegar

4oz plain goat cheese

1 whole wheat or multi-grain baguette

And here's what you're gonna do:

Chop all of the vegetables into 1/2 -1/4 in pieces, placing them in a large bowl as you go. Toss with enough balsamic vinegar to coat. Add salt and pepper to taste and enough olive oil to coat and toss again. Set aside on the counter to marinate for at least a half an hour, mixing the vegetables occasionally with your hands.

Preheat oven to 425.

Line a large cookie sheet with release foil. Spread the vegetables out on the cookie sheet, making sure they are all coated in marinade. Roast vegetables for 20-25 minutes, or until they are tender and the peppers are starting to brown around the edges. Remove from the oven, slide the vegetables and any marinade remaining on the cookie sheet back into the large bowl from before and let cool for at least five minutes.

While the vegetables are cooling off, slice as much of the bagette as needed for your crowd or lack there of. Cutting the bread on the bias allows more surface area to smother with goat cheese and toppings as well as reinforces the idea of your fanciness. Lay the bread out on a cookie sheet (the same one as before if you're a savvy non-dishwasher) and brush the tops with olive oil. Broil for about 5 minutes, or until lightly browned and toasty. For God's sake, stay in the kitchen and keep an eye on your bread or you'll light it on fire like I--I mean, someone I know named... Samy-- did last time I made bruschetta.

Now you have some deciding to do. Just how much bruschetta are you going to need here? You're going to want to pile vegetables high on the toasts, so err on the side of lots. Spoon as much of your vegetable mixture as needed to generously top your toast into your food processor or blender and pulse lightly for a few seconds. You don't want puree here--think very chunky salsa. Stow the rest of your vegetables away in a tupperware in the fridge for later this week--I'll tell you what to do with those suckers later. For now focus!

Spread a happy amount of goat cheese on each of your toasts and top with roasted vegetables. Drizzle on any left over juices/marinade for an extra foo foo touch. Now look how sophisticated you look! Can I get your number?

Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quesadilla

Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quesadilla

This makes one big ass quesadilla (enough for two people if served with sides) or a two to three normal size quesadillas

Here's what you're gonna need:

1 big sweet potato or 2 smaller ones

1/2 small onion, finely chopped

1 can cooked and rinsed black beans
a couple of shakes (1/8ish tsp) cumin (optional)*
a couple of shakes (1/8ish chili) powder*

1/4+ tsp cinnamon*
1/4+ tsp cayenne*

1 big ass flour or whole wheat tortilla, or 2-3 smaller ones

meltable cheese (queso fresco, monteray jack, and colby jack work well)

sour cream and/or slices of avocado for garnish (optional).

And here's what you're gonna do:

Cook up that sweet potato either by roasting it (tastes better) or nuking it (quicker). Either way, get it to a state where it is very easy to stab with your favorite kitchen stabbing devise. Leave it in the skin for now--the escaping steam will make it super easy to peel in a few minutes.

Saute the onions with a small amount of butter until they're translucent. Add the rinsed black beans, and season with cumin and chili powder. Keep it going over medium heat until the beans are warm and your kitchen smells kick-ass.

While the magic is happening in bean land, address your sweet potato. By now you should be able to just pop that bad boy out of its skin and into a bowl. Use a knife to split it open then squeeze / scoop the potato out if it's not cooperating. Now season it with cinnamon and cayenne and mash it up good with a fork or a potato masher.

Add the sweet potato to the pan with the black beans and fold it all together until it's mixed well and give the flavors a minute or two to blend. Here's where the * comes in. Wait for it...
*now sample the sweet potato and black bean mixture and adjust the seasoning to your taste. You can also add a pinch of salt here, if you like. I usually don't like.

While the innards are getting to know each other in the pan, address the outtards (new word). Heat the tortilla(s) in a small amount of butter in a skillet of appropriate size or on a griddle. Sprinkle on some cheese (it doesn't need that much). After it starts to get a little melty, spoon the sweet potato and black bean innards onto one side of the quesadilla. Fold the other half over the top of your creation, encourage stick togetherness by pushing on the top a little with your spatula, then slide it off onto a plate. Top with sour cream and avocados. Ta da!

A Quiche to Appreciate

Last week was teacher appreciation week at the kids' preschool. As part of the appreciating, the parents provide breakfast for them every morning before school starts. Because I have the word "sucker" tattooed across my forehead (dumb spring break move--I tried to have it taken off later, but it's in there too deep), the director of the school asked me to take care of the brunch Thursday, and because I'm a sucker I said yes. It wasn't until like two days before the brunch that I realized my kids weren't even going to be in school that day--they were going to be in Omaha with my husband. But suckers never quit, so what did I do? I made quiche, that's what. And you should to. Here's an easy and seemingly idiot-proof method of quiche concocting. We're going to make two here, cause when you're making quiche, what the hell?

Here's what you're gonna need:

2 frozen/refrigerated pie crusts that you bought from the grocery store because you prefer drinking gin and doing crossword puzzles to making your own

1 small-medium onion, finely chopped

6 eggs

3 cups of some form of cow's milk*

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1/4 tsp cayenne

2 cups shredded cheese and your choice of filling
Filling ideas:

• swiss and spinach is a classic (use frozen spinach but make sure it is thawed and thoroughly squeezed dry so you don't jack up your idiot-proof quiche)
• feta and spinach (again with the thawing and good draining thing)
• cheddar chopped broccoli (frozen, again, is cheap and words great)
• swiss and asparagus (steam or roast asparagus in the oven until crisp-tender before putting it in quiche)
• BACOS and anything
  
• just cheese (You might want to up the cheese to 3 cups and use a mixture of cheeses, such as mild cheddar, colby and swiss for a fuller flavor.)

*If you weigh ten pounds or you're having the Queen or the Easter Bunny over for brunch, then use half n' half or whipping cream as this makes a quiche worthy of Jesus. Or the Easter Bunny. If you're only having say, a duchess or a lesser prophet over, then use half half n' half and half 2%. If it's just you and your dog, go with all 2%. Unless you have a magical golden dog that poops gold bars. You should probably use the half n' half for him.


And here's what you're gonna do:

Preheat oven to 425. Line a cookie sheet with foil and put your crusts on there before you fill them so you don't slop egg-stuff all over your oven.

Saute onion in a little bit of butter until tender.

Sprinkle cheese and onion in bottom of your pie crusts.

In a mixer beat eggs, salt, pepper and cayenne.* Pour on top of your filling, dividing evenly between your quiches.

*My mom makes up the egg mixture a day or two ahead of time and keeps it in giant ziplock bags in her fridge. I find this practice to be totally disgusting, because I find both raw eggs in bags and organization to be disgusting, but that's just me. Maybe doing the eggs ahead of time would be helpful to you.

Now when it comes to baking you have two choices. The perfect quiche method, or the tipsy-kitchen ADD method. Let's do the perfect one first. While you're reading it, have a drink or two then execute the second choice--who wants a perfect quiche, anyway?

Bake 15 mins at 425, then reduce oven to 350 and bake 30-45 mins longer, or until your quiche looks pretty set and your stick-in-food-to-see-if-it's-done stick isn't all yucky when it comes out. Cool and enjoy refrigerated or at room temperature.

--or---

You can do like I did for teacher appreciation quiches and invite a friend over for drinks and quiche making. Follow the directions above, but after the two of you get it in the quiche in the oven, pour yourselves big fat glasses of gin, set the oven timer for 15 mins, and then go sit on the patio and don't listen for said timer. After about an hour, remember about your quiches (possibly because of the smoke coming from your windows), pull them out of the oven, and come up with idiotic ways of making them look edible. We went with the saw-the-singed-crust-off-with-a-bread-knife then drive it over to the school and put it in the fridge without your name on it method. Nothing says teachers, weappreciate what you do for our children like a crustless, well done quiche. Bon Appetite!

What to do when someone at your table wants to eat something that once mooed, clucked, or oinked: Tomatilla Tortilla Casserole

What to do when someone at your table wants to eat something that once mooed, clucked, or oinked:

At first you say "Then YOU go out there and stab a cow and get your own ()(*^$ dinner, *(&%#ing ) &*%$, &*&^$, (&%$!." But then they present you with a pet hen that lays golden eggs, and they promise to never ever eat YOUR new hen if only you make them a dinner involving a different chicken just this one time. And so you decide to sell out and make them some chicken and tell yourself that a) the chicken you're about to make died peacefully of old age and b) you'll donate the money from two of the golden eggs to saving goats in Africa or some such animal friendly cause. And if you're making chicken anyway, you might as well make the poor bird's life worth two meals, so here's is a very inexpensive way to hit 'em with some meat (awww, yeah) twice:

Go to the grocery store or Sam's Club and buy one of those already cooked rotisserie chickens (this is going to provide you with enough meat for two carnivorous meals). Then, if you're a half-assed vegetarian who eats things of the sea like myself (only not manatees, because they're endangered and also because they called "Sea Cows," and eating a cow isn't cool, even if it does live in the sea), march yourself over to the seafood area and get yourself a lobster. Or, if you are against eating Pinchy, put some sort of an expensive exotic mushroom in your cart. You deserve it for putting up with these people.

On the first night, feed the bird eaters the white meat of the chicken (i.e., the breasts. Make them carve it their own selves, unless you're giving it to a two-year-old. Three is definitely old enough to yield a knife, but two is just plain bad parenting.) and you eat Pinchy or Shroomy or whatever trips your trigger. Make loud, frantic squawking noises every time someone takes a bite of the chicken.

Have someone who ate the bird shred about one and a half cups of dark meat. If they can't get one and a half cups out of the dark meat, adding white meat is fine. Put the shattered remains of the bird in the fridge for the Tomatillo Tortilla Casserole you're going to make tomorrow or the next day.

Tomatillo Tortilla Casserole

(we're going to make a big one here and feed about six people--three veg, three chicken eaters)

Here's what you're going to need:

Corona and limes

20ish 6 inch corn tortillas

1 1/2 cups shredded cooked chicken (This is assuming your casserole is going to be half meat, and half non. Adjust the amount according to the number of chicken eaters you're feeding)

1 bag of frozen corn kernels

1 18-20 oz jar of salsa verde (Target makes a great salsa verde (Archer Farms) but, if you want to make your own like a sucker, here's a pretty good recipe: http://closetcooking.blogspot.com. I recommend roasting the tomatillas.)

2 cups sour cream

A whole mess of shredded Monterey Jack cheese (about a cup and a half, for those of you who like to measure by numbers and not "mess"s)

And here's what you're going to do:

Preheat the oven to 375.

Get out your big ass short order cook Saturday morning pancake griddle and toast the tortillas. (What's that? You don't have a giant griddle? Then heat a couple of skillets on your stove, but this might take you a while. Go ahead and drink a Corona or three while you wait.) We're just looking to make them a little sturdier and perhaps a touch brown--don't over do it.

Layer a 9x13" casserole dish with seven of the toasted tortillas. Feel free to bend them, shape them, anyway you want them, you got the power to turn on the light... (Sorry, I was distracted by the thought of the guy in the white suit's mustache. Focus, Amy, focus!) ...I mean, you can break some of them in half if you need to to make them fit.

Add about half of the chicken to one half of the casserole, then a third of the corn, salsa, sour cream and cheese to the whole thing. Repeat for another layer, then top with the rest of the tortillas, corn, salsa, sour cream and cheese. Be sure to create some sort of line of meat demarcation, such as a kabob stick or a line made out of food coloring or sprinkles. Or, if you don't have kitchen ADD, just remember which side is yours. (If you're using a kabob stick, make sure you've soaked it in water first--otherwise it might light on fire in the oven which would be pretty sweet, but perhaps not what you're going for. Or maybe you are. Your call.)

Put the casserole in the oven for about 35 minutes, or until it's golden brown and bubbling. And voila! That was easy, and now every one's happy, except for the bird (insert pathetic squawk).

The end. (Squaaaaaaaaaawk.)

---
Addendum:
Awesome: http://failblog.org/2009/05/09/late-night-snack-fail

Freezer Burritos and a Period made of gold

Been drinking soy milk. Still no improvement in the size of my boobs, but the last time I got my period it was made of gold.
---
Here's a good recipe for burritos that you can made ahead of time and leave in the fridge until the next day or freeze until the day before you decide you're no longer a vegetarian.

1 cup of brown rice (cooled)
2 cans of black beans
1 can pinto beans
1/2 can whole kernel corn
1 can diced tomatoes and green chilies or an equal amount of salsa
as much cheese as your little heart desires
8-10 flour tortillas (the big ass kind)

Rinse and drain black beans and pinto beans. Put the black beans, pinto beans, corn and died tomatoes in a mixing bowl and mix it all up. Toss in the rice and cheese and mix it up again. Fill the tortillas up with the mixture and wrap those suckers up like burritos. If you want to freeze them, wrap them up in plastic wrap and put them in a freezer bag. You can also freeze the filling and the tortillas separately. Defrost them in the microwave when it's burrito time again. If you're going to eat your babies now, you can slap some sour cream on the tortilla first and add guacamole or just cut up avocados--that stuff doesn't freeze well, though, so if you want it on the frozen ones you're going to have to add it after they thaw.