Strawberries on the rocks-with cucumber this time.

Seeing as how I declared it Strawberry Month at Half-Assed Vegetarian, you'd think I'd have posted more strawberry related recipes by now--but no. This 5% because I'm lazy and 95% because I keep drinking all of the strawberries before I can make non-alcoholic things with them. I've gone picking twice and baked once (and it was a no-bake pie). You do the math.
Here's a recipe for another delicious drink you can sip on while I go picking for a third time and come up with something else to write about. Bonus: This drink contains a fruit AND a vegetable,* so I'm pretty sure that means it's good for you. Do your body a great service and drink one (or four) today!

Photo by Shoot Me Pretty

Strawberry, Cucumber and Gin Cocktail

Here's What You're Gonna Need:
2-3 strawberries
2-3 slices of cucumber

1 jigger of gin (1.5ish oz or a shot and a half)
1/2 shot lime juice (1 oz)
1/2 shot agave (1 oz) (if you don't have agave, go with simple syrup)

club soda

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Put the strawberries and cucumber slices in the bottom of the shaker and muddle / smash the heck out of them. Go ahead and get some aggression out. I don't think you can over-muddle here.

Add gin, lime juice, agave and shake shake shake. If possible, let this stand for a few minutes so all of the flavors can really mix with the gin. If you can't hold off, then by all means, carry on immediately, but it'll be even more rockin' if you wait.

Add a couple of ice cubes to this good time and shake it vigorously again. Strain the resulting awesomeness over ice and top with club soda. Stir and drink up!

Warning: This drink is crazy good, really refreshing and doesn't taste very alcoholy, so watch it on the consumption buddy. Ol' Half-Assed Vegetarian learned this the hard/fun way.
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*Okay, technically a cucumber is a fruit, not a vegetable. Drink it anyway.
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Here's a very useful drink measurement chart I found: http://www.drinksmixer.com/guide/1-4-1.php
Just thought I'd share.

No Bake Strawberry Pie (aka Eat It With Your Face Strawberry Pie)

Here's What You're Gonna Need:

3/4 cup sugar
1 Tbs corn starch
2 TBS lemon juice
1 1/2 cups water

3 oz package of strawberry Jello

1 quart fresh strawberries, sliced (you really can't use frozen here-it'll fall apart)

1 baked pie crust (9 in deep or 10 in regular)

And Here's What You're Gonna Do:

Combine sugar, cornstarch, lemon juice and water in a saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat, stir, and cook until it gets a little thick (5ish) minutes-keep stirring!

Add the jello and stir until it dissolves. Allow it all to cool at room temp.

When the filling has cooled, stir the strawberries in.


Filling goes in the crust, and the whole pie goes in the fridge to set for at least six hours or overnight.

When it's time to eat the pie...

Apply copious amounts of whipped cream.



And then eat with your face.


Now that's a happy ending.

Let's Get Sauced!

I bet a lot of you clicked on this link thinking you were going to get another story about the misuses of vodka or the mishaps of too much gin. Instead you get applesauce. Too bad for you. Although what you do / drink while your getting applesauced is entirely up to you. I know what I'm going to do...

Apples are in season and pretty cheap-o right now, and I am physically unable to walk past a fruit that's on sale for $1 lb (What's that? Fecal Fruit is on sale for $1 lb? Sweet! I'll take 5 lbs!). These two factors have left me with over 15 lbs of apples currently in my fridge (just weighed them). I have to do something with a them before my husband realizes the beer has been displaced to make room for this absurd amount of apples, so I'm going with applesauce. If you happen to be housing a bumper crop of pears, as well, then that's even better. Apple and apple-pear sauce is absurdly easy to make, makes your house smell wonderful, and people who eat applesauce out of a jar think you're way fancy if you serve up some warm homemade applesauce for dinner. Plus you can put it on those oatmeal pancakes I told you about last week, making you one brilliant individual.

Homemade Apple/Apple-Pear Sauce

Here's what you're gonna need:
This recipe serves 4-5. Double or triple it at will, depending on the absurdity of your fruit situation. You can freeze any leftovers in quart size freezer bags and thaw at will for future fancy and non-fancy dinners.

3 large apples, skinned (some skin left on is okay) and cut into large chunks
2-3 pears (bartlett pears work well, but any kind will do), also skinned and cut into chunks
-or-
5-6 large apples, skinned (some skin left on is okay) and cut into large chunks

3/4 cup water
3/4 Tbs butter (optional)
a splash of vanilla
cinnamon, to taste

And here's what you're gonna do:
Throw all of the ingredients into a largeish pot and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, for 20-30 mins, or until your favorite kitchen stabber stabs with ease. Mash the whole mess up with a potato masher to whatever consistency you desire-you can go chunky or smooth here. It doesn't get any easier than that, folks. Go forth and be fancy!
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Have any of you ever made apple-sweet potato sauce? I was going to give it a whirl but I didn't have any sweet potatoes so I thought I'd tap into your wisdom before I go buy some and spoil any of my precious pounds of apples...